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[willing_sheath]

[A standard pre-recorded message starts:]

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. [There are a few long moments of dead silence before someone draws a breath speaks in a stiff, uncomfortable tone:] Himura Tomoe... [and another long few seconds of silence where she apparently didn't realize how to stop the recording.] is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options. To leave a callback number, press five.

[BEEP]



[ooc; for action spam to be counted as log activity feel free to comment to my annual log under the appropriate month]

Comments

[goldenglasses]

[Oh so slowly Vash draws his hand down his face.] Well, it turned out alright in the end I think. He didn't want to kill you and I only just spoke to him a little while ago. What you said to him last night didn't seem to matter. He still loves you deeply.

[willing_sheath]

I don't know that it can sink in that fast. I don't think you understand the gravity of it for him...

...

In our world I would be tortured for information before being executed as a traitor. Whether he would be forced to do it himself is questionable, all things considered... but that is an absolute fact that I would be killed. His feelings would hold no sway to that.

...

I know he loves me. But he holds the values of bushido higher than anything. He may not be able to reconcile the betrayal with his values regardless of his heart... [And that didn't touch on his jealousy...]

[goldenglasses]

But you're not home. Things can be different here.

[willing_sheath]

I know that...

...

But it isn't up to me...

[goldenglasses]

But some of it is. You get to be your own person and make your own choices. Just because Okita is your Dom you don't need to let him run your whole life.

[willing_sheath]

...

But whether he is able to continue being with me... or continue being my Dominant at all... is up to him...

[goldenglasses]

Yes, I'm afraid that's his choice as well. If he feels his feelings have been hurt then he doesn't have to continue the contract once the three months are up. Personally? I think that is something you can wait to discuss once you're closer to the three month mark.

[willing_sheath]

Exactly...

[And in the meantime, what? She was going to be alone. During arguably the worst time for her. Nine days. Would Okita come back by then? Who knew...]

It's only a few weeks...

[goldenglasses]

Then I think you two need to decide what the two of you really want. First for yourself than together.

[willing_sheath]

I know what I want.

[And she has already lost half of it just sitting here.]

[goldenglasses]

Then talk to him about it. I think for something like a contract knowing and not leaving it to question or chance is the better option in this case. Even if the answer is not the one you're hoping for.

[willing_sheath]

When or if he comes back...

[goldenglasses]

Have you tried to leave him a message?

[willing_sheath]

Not yet...

...

It seems too early...

He left again for a reason, after all...

[goldenglasses]

[Vash gives his head a nod.] I can understand wanting time to think.

[He swallows hard. He hated what he was doing, but what more could he do? Not being honest almost seemed even more cruel.] I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't return how you feel.

[willing_sheath]

[She shakes her head slowly]

...

I never expected you to...

[goldenglasses]

I still wish I could. [He smiles ruefully.] Although you deserve so much better than me.

[willing_sheath]

[For a brief insane moment she wants to argue, to ask him why. Why he can't, after everything, if it had really been completely one-sided all this time... But she doesn't. She knows the answer, or at least the part of the answer that she can accept...]

[It feels as though her chest is constricting and she wants to run, to somehow take it back, put things back the way they were with her silent feelings and her stolen moments of peace... and then she reminds herself that it wouldn't have mattered... This was going to be the result of this conversation no matter what. The only difference would have been how exposed she was in the end.]

You're wrong... [She swallows thickly and stands from the bench, hugging herself. She looks back to him briefly.] You're a good man, Vash-san... and just as deserving as anyone else...

...

I just wish you could see it.

[Funny... how she could say those words to him, but not to herself.]

[goldenglasses]

I'm not wrong. [Said with intent that it is a fact that cannot be debated.] And I agree I deserve love just as much as you do would you accept that?

[willing_sheath]

No. [Said with the same conviction, watching for only a few more seconds.] Because you're lying.

[She doesn't wait for him to answer again, turning to leave the roof.]

[goldenglasses]

T-Tomoe! Wait! [Oh no! He's not leaving it that way! Quickly reaching out to touch her shoulder.] Wait! We both do deserved love! I do believe that! I do!

[willing_sheath]

[For the first time since he dragged her back out into the snow and all the way to the Down she looks him directly in the eyes, though her expression remains stony now that she's retreated back behind her mask.]

Do you think I'm blind? I know you believe that for me. But not yourself. Your every action screams it. You've been looking for an excuse to push me away since Al Danahab, I just refused to be moved. Did you think I couldn't see it? Or did you not even realize you were doing it?

[She moves to step away from his hand.]

But you win... Not because you are undeserving. Not because you are dangerous. Not because you are a Plant, or a monster or any of the other reasons I am sure you tell yourself...

...

Only for Okita-san. Nothing to do with you...

[goldenglasses]

I think everyone deserves love. [He tries to correct firmly, but also without sounding angry.] That includes me as well. I am just tired of seeing the people I care about getting hurt and upset because of me.

I don't want you to leave this roof thinking that you don't deserve love. Everyone deserves love. I am just sorry that I don't feel the same as you towards me. [Even if he finds it insane she feels a romantic love for him at all. That's not the point of this.]

What I still need is your love as a friendship. I just can't continue to be more than that and hurt Okita who does love you.

[willing_sheath]

I never said that I didn't... [she looks away again, struggling to keep the mask in place.] And I already knew that... you don't need to apologize, I shouldn't have said anything to begin with...

[Because how was she supposed to act now? Where was the line? What was acceptable and what wasn't? She didn't know... What was friendship? The empty pleasantries offered to and given by neighbors with nothing behind it? What she offered her father and brother for so many years? Unending support and understanding from her side... and nothing in return...]

[Because look what happened when she asked for something in return...]

[goldenglasses]

So, we can still be friends, right? Get coffee sometime? Hand out and talk? Maybe dinner once in awhile?

Have you ever been to a movie? I haven't in years. [Hundreds of them.] Maybe we should go watch one soon.