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[willing_sheath]

[A standard pre-recorded message starts:]

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. [There are a few long moments of dead silence before someone draws a breath speaks in a stiff, uncomfortable tone:] Himura Tomoe... [and another long few seconds of silence where she apparently didn't realize how to stop the recording.] is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options. To leave a callback number, press five.

[BEEP]



[ooc; for action spam to be counted as log activity feel free to comment to my annual log under the appropriate month]

Comments

[unphase]

[she can see him doing that, too, and it terrifies her. but giving him up is out of the question. she can't do it, she won't do it. and if it brands her as the worst kind of sinner in her world, so be it]

I--I haven't told Hunk yet. I haven't had the courage.

[willing_sheath]

[There were worse things in the world than loving too much. She tried to tell herself that as well--though hers was complicated by three of her four loves being from opposing factions of a war...]

[She tightens her hold on Tinya at those words. God, did she know that feeling. It was why things with Okita had blown up the way they had--because she hadn't had the courage to tell him about her dealings with the Ishin Shishi]

I understand... but... you have to...

...

Don't leave it go the way I did...

[unphase]

[at least Tinya doesn't have that problem. they're simply two very different men she loves for very different reasons.

and Tinya squeezes more tightly back. she knew that if anyone in this place would understand, it would be Tomoe]

I--I won't. I know that I can't it's just--how do I do it?

[willing_sheath]

[She shakes her head slowly]

I don't know... I wish it were easier...

...

In person... is the only thing I can really say. This sort of thing should be done face to face... not through one of those machines...

[But god, how to even start... she didn't know. It was why she hadn't been able to tell Okita the truth. He had been so kind and so earnest in the beginning... and she hadn't wanted to see that expression change... And in the end it had been because she'd been pressed into a corner and told him under duress. She was such a coward when it can to approaching these sorts of things head on.]

[unphase]

In person. Right, right. That's only fair.

[she's always been one to wear her heart on her sleeve and it's usually pretty easy to tell how she's feeling. she's afraid that her eyes will give her away before she even says a word. but all she knows is, she can't lose either man. it would break her heart]

[willing_sheath]

[She nods again.]

In private as well--away from prying eyes and ears... his home or yours... or somewhere else you feel safe...

[She had waited to tell Okita anything until they were both at home, no matter how he tried to get her to speak over the network. Ironic, considering the first time she had intended to tell him of the difficult topics she had taken him to a public outdoor cafe--but the intent there had been to give Vash a clear shot if Okita became violent with her. Oh the irony of it all, considering in the end she had almost wished he'd become violent with her.]

[unphase]

...probably his house? That way, if he gets mad at me, I can go. But I--I can't imagine him getting mad. Can you? Have you met him?

[she doesn't think Hunk would ever become violent with her, not without Duplicity messing with his mind somehow. even then, it would be a shock. Jo's the one with a temper, not Hunk, and even he had only reacted with with hurt that made her feel like she was being torn in two]

[willing_sheath]

[She nods.]

I have... [She'd done more than meet him, but she'd tried to put her actions while under the influence of those goddamn charms out of her mind.] And... I really can't... [Well... not in the way they were talking about. He seemed the epitome of the 'gentle giant'.]

(cw: underage referenced)

[unphase]

So you know. [not Tinya. she'd loved every minute of her behavior under the influence of the charms and looks back on it fondly. she lost the self-consciousness that dogs her every step here and let herself simply act and feel. it was wonderful] Me, neither. He'll be...upset. But I want to make it clear. I want them both. Even if that does make me the worst kind of woman.

[willing_sheath]

[Tomoe could mostly live with what she'd done under the influence of the red charm--at least the people she had slept with were people she already knew. While she had the green, though... the green had been intoxicating and so very addictive--and she had been so agreeable to everything. That was the alarming part looking back. How she had been willing to sleep with anyone who gave her the smallest invite, how she had willingly stripped down on the street more than once without a single thought. Frankly, looking back, it scared her.]

If that's the case, then we are both that kind of woman... [She squeezes the other girl a little tighter for a moment.] But... it isn't as though you did this deliberately... It would be different... had Jo-san been here the entire time... but he wasn't...

[unphase]

[she'd had the green charm, but her experiences hadn't been quite that intense. maybe because even then, her hesitation towards approaching strangers, even ones who looked close to her own age, was deeply ingrained by this place that for so long that even the green charm couldn't overcome it.

a bit shyly] ...then we'll really have to stick together. [she gives Tomoe a tight squeeze, resting her head against the top of Tomoe's head for a moment] And no...I had no way of knowing. I thought that the only reason why I was here was because I was dead. And that if any of my teammates or friends followed me, it would be because they were dead, too. And I still love Jo, so much. But I love Hunk so much, too. And it's--it's not like I feel split in two, it's not that feeling at all. It's the opposite of that.

[willing_sheath]

[She nods again. And there was that mention of being dead again and it makes her heart ache.]

I didn't know... why on earth did you not tell me after you saw...? [she makes a vague motion to her shoulder.] I thought I was the only one... for so long...

[She shifts, rubbing her hand against Tinya's arm and pressing her forehead to the other girl's temple.] No... I know what you mean... Not split... both equal... and complete... No comparison to be made, no choice possible...

[unphase]

I just...I thought it would be prying to ask about your scar. I didn't want to do that, not after you were so good to me.

[she takes comfort in Tomoe's touch and gentleness] Yes. That's it. That's it exactly. I love them both for different reasons and choosing between them really would split me in two.

cw: reference to suicide attempt

[willing_sheath]

[She nods slowly. She certainly understood. Her death and everything surrounding it was such a sensitive subject to her... she appreciated the hesitance... but at the same time... Well. At the same time, maybe had she known Tinya was like her maybe she would have reached out before she was in place to take a nosedive off the Dominant building on New Year's Eve...]

Yes... it would... create a hole... just a massive loss...

[And she knew that all too well too. Thanks to everything she had told Okita her feelings... and then been forced to turn around and tell Vash as well. She had asked Okita not to make her choose between them... and then Vash turned around and made the choice for her. Granted, it was only in the matter of filling quota, he insisted they would still be friends... but clearly he had no understanding of what sealing off that connection had meant to her. Well... maybe it just meant that she was going to be on that rooftop no matter what happened...]

[She squeezes Tinya's arm again before moving to stand.]

Let me get you something warm to drink...

Re: cw: reference to suicide attempt

[unphase]

[if she ever hears about that, it will break her heart. she loves Tomoe, too, in a way reserved just for her and to hear that she had gotten so close to ending it all? she'd basically camp out near Tomoe]

Yes. And I'd never be able to forgive myself for hurting either of them. Even though...by doing this, I probably will. But. I need them. For different reasons.

[Jo is impulsive, impetuous and wild. he makes her want to break every rule in existence, go just as wild as he is. from the very moment they locked eyes, she wanted him. and more than that, she knew he was going to be a part of her life for the rest of hers.

Hunk is warm, sweet, and passionate. he makes her feel as warm as he is from the inside out. at first, they were just friends helping each other make the quota, but as time passed and she got to know him more and more, she realized she'd fallen for him. it just happened, easy as breathing.

and if Tinya finds out that Vash ended things with Tomoe like that, she's going to have a long friendly talk with him.

she leans her head briefly against Tomoe before she stands]

All right. All right. That sounds good.

[willing_sheath]

[Tomoe moves to the kitchen to put the kettle on, mind buzzing with everything she has been told, as well as the similarities to her own situation that has stirred her own thoughts again. God, why was this her life?]

[She returns some minutes later with the tea in question (some terribly pathetic excuse for green tea)]

(cw: underage referenced)

[unphase]

[Tinya doesn't know and she feels that maybe it was unfair to burden Tomoe with this on top of everything else she had going on, but. Tomoe is so important to Tinya and not just because of sex. she trusts her.

it is a really pathetic excuse for green tea, isn't it? but she takes it anyway and has a sip, staring into the tea like it holds the mysteries of the universe]

I just...I don't know what's going to happen.

[willing_sheath]

[She nods, settling back down beside her with her own cup.]

No... I imagine not...

...

I would... recommend acting sooner... than later...

[Don't be her, Tinya.]

[unphase]

[she nods in a way that's meant to be decisive, but looks more like she's a puppet whose strings have been pulled]

Yes. Yes, definitely. I wouldn't want gossip to get to him first.

[she would argue that Tomoe is a fine person to be]