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[willing_sheath]

[A standard pre-recorded message starts:]

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. [There are a few long moments of dead silence before someone draws a breath speaks in a stiff, uncomfortable tone:] Himura Tomoe... [and another long few seconds of silence where she apparently didn't realize how to stop the recording.] is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options. To leave a callback number, press five.

[BEEP]



[ooc; for action spam to be counted as log activity feel free to comment to my annual log under the appropriate month]

Comments

[embracethewind]

[ for a moment, for a single moment, the idea of leaving crossed his mind — his body jolts backwards on reflex, listens to what she says in anger and lowers his head in failure. ]

You-- You're not a practice fuck. [ did he mess this up? yes, he did mess this up. idiot. ] I realize, but... how in this city? It could've been easier back home.

[ laced fingers, both thumbs playing with each other. ] I... did not. I... I just wanted to see you today. I don't want to hurt you anymore with my presence but here I am, still seeking you even when I promised I wouldn't reach you again.

[willing_sheath]

And what else would you call it? Wanting to sleep with me to make yourself feel better later.

[She grits her teeth.] And how exactly do you think Constance would feel about you coming here? For that? [She takes a step forward, still holding the door.] Let me tell you: she will assume that she was not enough--that you wanted more than what she could give you. And do you know how I know this? [She can feel the prick of tears behind her eyes and she hates it.] Because you did it to me. After we admitted feelings for each other. After I stepped away from my closest friend and ally here. After I had thought we were exclusive to each other you went to another woman's bed. Not because of any city trick but just because you were "drawn to her"... using quota as the excuse...

And you... what? Think Constance will not be hurt because she cares for me? That she wouldn't be hurt more by that fact? That the man she loves went back to the woman she had felt second to the entire time she had been with you before?

[She just glares at him in disbelief. Was he really this dense? Really?]

...

Go home, Okita-san.

[embracethewind]

[ okay, that... fades all the alcohol away from his system. ] No! It's not like that!

How dare you--! I am with her because I-- I-- [ dammit! he doesn't dare to say those words, not because constance's unworthy of them. ] How can you be exclusive to another when this city's tempting you to do the opposite!? For quota or just to prevent anyone else from getting into trouble or for simple pleasure!? [ at the mention of said 'closest friend and ally', without recalling a thing from the past, that old ache comes back in a flaring emotion, hidden in a snide tone. ] You cannot be exclusive when there's a part of you that will long for more than one person... [ before he adds anything else, he looks away with eyes shut. unfortunately, at the latter, they shut way tighter. ]

N... No... [ a slow shake of his head. ] ... Is-- Is that how she had felt when-- when we were together the first time? [ a hand hides half his face. ] Wh-- Why am I here? I don't even love you, I do this for her, since she's so insistent for us three being together...

[willing_sheath]

YOU TRY! [She actually shouts, tears welling and beginning to slip.]

...

You try. And for god's sake, you talk to your partner. Plan for it. If she truly doesn't care it's one thing--but you don't just... do it and then come crawling back for forgiveness...

[She can feel the lump in her throat and she hates it.]

Yes. She did. And she probably still does.

[She shakes her head, tears still escaping against her will.] As long as I am here I will always be there for Constance. [She shakes her head again.] But I will not go to your bed. I will not live under your roof. And I will not contract with you. Because this [she motions between them] is all that we do. We argue. We fight. We hurt each other. And I'm not subjecting myself to it anymore.

[embracethewind]

[ at her yelling and sobbing, he jolts to look at her with wide eyes, shaken and ashamed of himself for making her cry, as he did with sei many times. no... no, no, no, this isn't what he wants for her to spend the christmas. after her final saying, tears bud at the corner of his eyes and fall through his cheeks. even when he doesn't love her, that same old ache hurts the same as when he found out about constance and the hoodie man.

he shares that same lump in his throat so his voice is low and different than usual. ]

I... did... I did the same with... with Kamiya-san back home. And in the end... in the end we were always back to each other. [ a step back, hands joined as if in a prayer. ] I don't expect you to understand, nor I expect you to become my Submissive once more. I'm... [ it's been a while since he cried this hard. ] ... I'm sorry for what I did to you. I... I came to visit you just to spend the day with you as friends. I did not think properly because of my intoxication.

[ he doesn't care if she pushes him, or if she slaps him or punches him or kicks him in the nuts, his arms open to wrap her frame in an embrace, a non-invasive embrace. ]

You don't have to love me anymore, if you still do so...

[willing_sheath]

[She bristles when he embraces her, her back going ram-rod straight, not expecting it. Another wave of anger moves through her in a wave--and, as it always seemed to happen once he was touching her, she wilts, the anger being swallowed up by the sadness and hurt, her wall crumbling.]

[She doesn't return the embrace, but she doesn't push him away either. Not yet. When she speaks her voice is small and quavering]

I told you once... that you don't just stop loving someone... Love... doesn't work that way... [She closes her eyes tight, sending the last few tears cascading down her cheeks.] But I need you to leave now, Souji...

[She doesn't even realize what she's said.]

[embracethewind]

[ as expected, the embrace isn't returned but it's alright, her anger has stopped at least. his temple leans against hers.

in a low voice — ]

You still love me... don't you, Tomoe-san? [ when she says his first name, another tear can't hold itself any longer. ] ... After many things I've done to you... why would you still love a man like me? You already apologized for taking away the woman I knew. What's there to forgive on my side? You should forgive me...

[ and she's asking him to leave. seems fair. ]

I want Constance. She has everything I've desired in a woman... [ if she were like sei, gods, she would be 100+ % perfect! ] ... I'll make her happy. My life is hers to do as she likes.

... I'm sorry I cannot give you what you seek.

[willing_sheath]

[She doesn't answer. She doesn't need to. She still loves him. She always will. No matter what he did, it wouldn't erase that love.]

[The old resentment creeps forward as he speaks of Constance again, the darker thoughts of being replaced by a better version still there. They always would be as well.]

[She swallows thickly, finally speaking to his last statement.]

So am I...

[She lifts her hands, not to return the embrace but to find their way between them, pushing lightly against his chest.]

Please... go now...

[embracethewind]

[ if he knew many more things, that would have been the problem. why love someone who has failed her considerably and still upsets her with his idiocy?

to him, no one's a better version of someone else. what he feels for sei and constance is different, only constance achieved the impossible by making him fall for her greatly and want to marry. however, what he could see was how the spitefulness consumed this woman's heart, and constance's heart isn't tarnished with mean thoughts. as much as souji cares for tomoe, such mean thoughts he discerned in her and how he must have loved a different tomoe are the reasons why anything else can't happen.

it's not wise, it's unhealthy, it's unfair. and yet, he can't help not caring, not worrying, not giving her some of that love that was there once like this. ]

It's alright, Tomoe-san...

[ and of course, he doesn't resist as she breaks the contact between them, his expression reflects the grief and shame of the proposition. with a step behind and eyes closed, he lowers his head in a bow and turns to leave, maybe expecting she will stop him from going, but he rather go to constance if asked to stay.

this was probably a mistake. ]

[willing_sheath]

[She doesn't stop him, keeping her eyes down as he backs away. She hugs herself and lifts a hand to cover her mouth as the weight of everything settles more on her... and steps back inside the room, closing the door with a small click.]