willing_sheath | IC Journal

IC Journal

CANON TIMELINE

September 1845--Born
(June 1849--Kenshin born)
May 1854--Enishi is born, mother dies, Tomoe age 8/9
Spring 1862--betrothed to Kiysatto Akira, marriage set for Spring 1863, Tomoe age 16/17, Enishi age 6/7
Fall 1862--Kiyosatto joins Mimawari-gumi, wedding delayed to Spring 1864, Tomoe age 17, Enishi age 7
(Early 1863--Kenshin quarrels with Hiko and leaves, joins Kiheitai and is taken to Kyoto with Katsura Kogoro, Kenshin age 13/14)

1864
Early March--Kiyosatto is killed in Kyoto
April 4th--news of Kiyosatto's death arrives from Kyoto
Mid-April--Tomoe runs away to Kyoto
Late April--Tomoe arrives in Kyoto and is found by the Yaminobu
Early May--Meets Kenshin and is brought to the Kohagiya
Mid-May--discussion of "madness" with Katsura Kogoro
Late May--window incident, "now a sheath to hold back your madness"
June 5th--Ikedaya Affair
July 18th--Kinmon Incident
Late July--Kenshin and Tomoe are married and go into hiding outside Otsu, Tomoe age 18, Kenshin age 15
Late December--Enishi arrives in Otsu
December 31st--Tomoe dies, Tomoe age 19, Kenshin age 15, Enishi age 10

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For some time now I have wondered whether Father intended to marry me out with Mother gone. There is a part of me that would be perfectly comfortable with the idea in the face of the unknown. So often we do not know our husbands before we are wed and i have heard so many horror stories of what comes after a girl has gone to her husband's home.

I never thought that I could feel the joy that I do now at my betrothal, and I can only imagine that this is Father's gift to me after so many years struggling to raise Enishi by myself. I do not know the last time I have felt this degree of happiness. I have been betrothed to Kiyosatto Akira-sama. I never once considered that we might be matched. I had never dared to hope when there are so many other matches that would benefit the Yukishiro family more. Surely Father knows how deeply I care for him. i never thought I would look to marriage with anything other than trepidation, but I find myself elated. Kiyosatto-sama was allowed to tell me himself, and it is just another mark of his character that he asked me to marry him rather than simply telling me of the match. All I could do was stare at him in awe, my joy and surprise were so great that they wiped my mind clean of any words I wished to say. He offered me a delicate and simple kanzashi and the only response I could give was to take it and bow. Even now, when I try to speak my words catch in my throat. Why it is like this I will never know. This is the only place my words can flow freely.

We will be married next spring. I am elated.

Enishi has not taken the news of my engagement well. It is no surprise. To him I am more of a mother than a sister, and no child will take losing their mother easily, even if I will move to a home close by. Regardless, I would not have expected such a tantrum from him at six* years old. I wonder if it is a failing on my part in raising him, but he has always been a willful child. He has a year to become accustomed to the idea. I wonder if this will cause him to cling to me even more than he already does.

Kiyosatto-sama has chosen to delay our marriage.

Were it a matter of honor or pride in serving the Shogun and the bakufu perhaps I would not feel as distressed as I do... but it is because of me. He believes I am dissatisfied with our betrothal and that I am ashamed to be marrying only a second son. It could not possibly be further from the truth, but I do not know what I can say to prove that to him. Every time I try my words stick in my throat. If only I could smile or laugh, perhaps then he would believe me, but I simply cannot do it. He intends to join the Mimawari-gumi in the defense of Kyoto to prove himself a warrior of merit so that I will be proud to marry him. I want to beg him to stay, but I fear insulting his pride as a man. He has never been bothered by my manner before. That is one of the aspects that has made me love him so. I know it stems from his own love for me, that all he wishes is to make me happy--but how is it that he cannot see that I already am?

Edited 2020-06-20 04:28 (UTC)

Kiyosatto-sama departed for Kyoto this morning. I maintained a brave face even as I felt my heart breaking. It took everything in me to hold back my tears and keep from begging him to stay, but I could not send him off with such a shameful display. I wanted him to go knowing that I am proud of him and will support his decisions as a good wife would.

I watched him go, all the while hoping he would turn back even though I knew he wouldn't. I stayed watching the road long after he was out of sight, unable to pull myself away from the road. I didn't leave until Father sent Enishi to bring me home.

It will be more than a year and a half until I see Kiyosatto-sama again. I do not know how I will bear it. Even his shortest visit has been enough to keep my morale afloat no matter how difficult things have been. To go from the promise daily life with him to losing even those small stolen moments, I am simply beside myself.

I have taken to writing Kiyosatto-sama nearly every day, though there is not much to relay to him most days, aside from assuring him of my love. I am sure to lace each letter with a tiny drop of my perfume so that it smells like me. I hope that if he misses me enough maybe he will come back sooner...

Edited 2020-06-20 04:30 (UTC)

I have not received a letter from Kiyosatto-sama in over a week. A few days between correspondence isn't uncommon, but he has never left them go for this long. I can't help the dread that has begun to sink in on me, especially not with the stories coming out of the capital.

I am terrified of what this may mean. I am terrified that I may never see him again...

[she reads over the entry with interest. this...is not the Tomoe she has seen on the networks. cold, aloof, strange to Ana with her lack of apparent emotion. in this, she seems genuinely happy, like any young woman getting ready to marry the man she loves.

but she knows something about words getting caught in her throat. hers tended to get caught like that, too, usually due to some extreme of emotion.

like now. she's barely managed even the smallest amount of basic courtesy while had been staying with Souji...and everyone else. but she'd heard Constance hinting at Souji that she needed to bathe herself and the simple fact was, she'd lost track of the last time she showered. so she dragged herself off of the sofa and into the shower when everyone else was gone. she just plain didn't feel up to conversation.

on her way back to the couch, she noticed that Tomoe's door was open a crack. after taking a minute to hem and haw over what she should do, she went in. maybe if she had a good look at the other woman's stuff, she'd be able to get why she'd treated Souji the way she did]

[...and as much as she hates to admit it, that sounds rough. to have a little brother who looked upon her as more of a mother. Ana had always been an only child and she'd never even baby-sat, she had no idea what it was like to be responsible for someone else]

[the solution for 2011-era Ana seems simple, do whatever it took to make her loved one stay. but that hadn't worked out too well for her lately, had it?

but why had the words not come for Tomoe? it seemed like she loved the guy, so why was it so hard to tell him so? she didn't get it]

[and it's kind of hard to not be...moved by that. what would she had done, had she walked in on Connor writing his note to leave? Probably abandoned all pride, got on her knees, crying, and beg him to stay.

but that's her. instead, Tomoe had repressed her feelings even though it was clear that it wasn't what she wanted to do, that she had wanted to beg her fiancee to stay. but couldn't find the words. why?]

[perfumed letters trying to get one's beloved to come back for her. it sounded like something out of the novels she studied in college. and she can't help thinking, if Tomoe had assured him of her love in every letter and the one she loved didn't take steps to come to her sooner, then...it couldn't be on her. she'd done what she could, right?]

[...it's not hard to guess what might've happened to cause a delay like that. and Ana finds herself dreading the inevitable]

Today news arrived from Kyoto of Kiyosato Akira-sama's murder. I can hardly believe it and am filled with regret that I did not stop him from leaving--but it's too late now. It's all too late. I haven't cried, not yet. It isn't completely real yet... I want to believe it is a nightmare and that I will wake from it at any moment... even though I know I won't.

He was killed during the assassination of Shigekura Jyuubei along with a second retainer. It is believed they fell victim to an assassin of the Choshuu or Satsuma clans.

It is my fault. It is all my fault... I should have stopped him. I should have begged him to stay. I should have ignored all propriety and pleaded with him even if it brought shame on us... at least he would still be here.

Anything would have been better than this...

I have not spoken since the news came. I cannot bring myself to. Speaking was difficult for me before and not it is impossible. I cannot bring myself to engage in anything. What is the point when none of it matters? Nothing matters anymore...

I remember how Father was after Mother died. I do not remember him speaking for weeks afterward. He couldn't bring himself to even look at Enishi until he was a year old. I can't help but wonder if this is why...

Enishi doesn't understand. He can't understand. He wails and clings to me, demanding my attention, wanting me to be normal again... to be happy... But my happiness died in Kyoto with him.

I have overheard the other women speaking about me... of the cold Yukishiro girl who didn't cry when the news of her betrothed death was delivered to her. They blame me for his death as much as I blame myself. "It was her pride that drove him to Kyoto. He only went to make her happy. She wasn't satisfied with the match because of his low status. She must be glad that he is gone."

I did not know that I could feel this much pain and anger at once... to boil with rage while being paralyzed with guilt. Because it is my fault. My inaction killed him just as much as the hitokiri did...

Everything is a reminder of him. There are pieces of him around every corner. Every minute is torture. Every breath breeds pain. I cannot stand the false sympathy offered by the other women who offer condolences to my face and then damn me to my back.

I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go to him... to follow him to the next life... but what will become of Father and Enishi without me?

I am a wretched woman for even thinking of it.

His mother offered me his kaiken today, saying that he would want me to have it. I wonder how she could bear to look at the face of the woman who drove her son to his death. I took it. And I will keep it close to me at all times...

I want to go to him. I cannot stop thinking about it. I want to go to where he breathed his last... to Kyoto... I want answers... I want to know who did this... I need somewhere to focus this blame an regret outside of myself... or I will go mad...

Edited 2020-06-24 03:24 (UTC)

It is done. I left early this morning before Father or Enishi woke. I want to believe that Father will understand and I pray that he will be able accept my leaving. Enishi is a different story entirely. I fear he will act out as badly as he did when my engagement was first announced and without me there to calm him I do not know what will happen. My sweet, devoted little brother...

I have not attracted a lot of attention yet, though I imagine it will be inevitable as a woman traveling alone. I'm sure it will only be a matter of time and I would be a liar if I claimed I was not afraid. Still, any fear I might have felt is lost in comparison to the pain and emptiness Kiyosatto-sama has left...

I have arrived in Kyoto.

I do not know what I expected of the city. It is vastly different from Edo just by sight alone. Kiyosatto-sama had told me of the capitol and his own thoughts of it. Once I may have marveled at everything... but it is as though all the color has drained from the world and I cannot find any way to make myself care. I only want to be where he was. To see what he saw... To touch the place he fell and maybe feel some part of him still there.

Maybe then I will feel alive again... or will find enough resolve to join him.

My inquiries have been noticed. I am uncertain of what attention I have attracted.

I found the place where Kiyosatto-sama was killed, beneath a tsubaki tree and it was there a man spoke to me, though he was hidden from sight. "If you wish to know the identity of your fiance's killer be there at sunset tomorrow..." and as those words were spoken a dart embedded itself in the tree with a note tied to the shaft. It contains directions to a location outside of the city.

I don't know what I have attracted but I can only imagine that danger is involved, much more than that of a woman traveling alone. This will draw me into the violence here more than I have been already... in a way I may not survive. But how can I not respond to an offer that will give me exactly what I wanted when I left Edo?

The Yaminobu--onmitsu serving the bakufu. That's why they are.I went to the meeting place where there were four men waiting. I was terrified, but I believe my expression remained even. That is my one strength... I can effortlessly hide my fear and sadness... but at the cost of everything else...

Kiyosatto-sama was killed by a Choshuu assassin thus far known as Hitokiri Battousai. He is considered to be the Choshuu clan's biggest strength. He has been actively killing for the clan for approximately six months and his kills already number in triple digits. He is too strong to attack directly and so they want to to use me to find his weakness. If I throw my lot in with them then they will take my revenge. They will put me in his path and then I am to remain close and observe him--to learn his weaknesses, and when the time is right they will send a contact to me so that I can report back to them.

When I left Edo I was unsure whether or not I wished to continue to live... These are not good men, and I have seen their faces. If I refuse they will kill me. If I agree, when they are finished with me they will kill me. If I agree and am discovered by the Choshuu, the Choshuu will kill me.

My life is forfeit.

Hitokiri Battousai. The demon of Kyoto. It's said that his hair has been dyed red by the blood of his kills. He bears a single long scar on his left cheek--that mark was left by Kiyosatto-sama. He was the only one thus far to place a single mark on this killer's body. I am proud of him for that...

I do not know what to expect from this monster. I do not know that I will be able to maintain control when I finally see him. How do they expect me to get close to him? No, that is a foolish question. I know exactly what they expect. Tatsumi said as much when he told me my methods would not be judged or questioned. I cannot imagine doing such a thing. The mere thought disgusts me. Perhaps I will not need to worry about my fate with Yaminobu at all. I will simply die by Battousai's hand the same as Kiyosatto-sama because I cannot hold myself back.

They have directed me to a certain pub that he is said to frequent. I should have my first glimpse of him tonight.

[this is a cultural clash unlike any she's seen. goodness knows she had done plenty of crying, plenty of calling Connor's phone to leave messages pleading with him to come back.

all of it amounted to nothing in the end, so maybe it was useless to cry.

but it was pretty hard to deny that Tomoe loved Kiyosato, even if she couldn't put it into words to his face. but would it have mattered? would he have left, anyway, given that Tomoe had said earlier that he thought she might be ashamed to be marrying a second son. but from those entries, shame was the very last thing Tomoe felt about him]

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IC Journal

Canon Entries

Duplicity Entries

Spring 1862

Spring 1862

Fall 1862

Fall 1862

Fall 1862-Winter 1863

March 1864

Re: Spring 1862

Re: Spring 1862

Re: Fall 1862

Re: Fall 1862

Re: Fall 1862-Winter 1863

Re: March 1864

April 4th 1864

April 1864

April 1864

April 1864

April 1864

April 1864

April 1864

April 1864

April 1864

April 1864

Re: April 4th 1864