[and there it was. Not the exact question she was dreading, but close enough that it doesn't matter. She sits there, staring forward, debating on what to say. It may seem as though she's chosen not to answer at all by the time she does speak]
I got my memory back... I went to that place in Insincerity while you were imprisoned...
[Not... Quite the right answer...]
All this time... I could not understand why I was so drawn to Okita-san... Despite knowing the danger and the conflict and the hurt my past would cause... and yet I couldn't refuse him everytime he sought me out... And I finally stopped trying...
He is his own person, just as you are... Perhaps there is just a certain type of man I am drawn to... But once my memory was returned it became crystal clear... His personality... is nearly a carbon copy... of Kiyosotto...
Part of me wonders if my feelings are real or my mind playing tricks on me... But then I think, if I could not remember the man the entire time those feelings were developing for him, then how can they be false?
[She closes her eyes, lowering her head]
How do I feel about him? I love him.
But... I love you too... And that's the problem... He isn't threatened by sex. Not in this place... It's my feelings toward you... [She can't look at him--won't look at him. She can already imagine what she'll see there--fear or panic and the need to flee. She's seen it in him enough times when they seem too close]
I asked him... Not to make me choose. It's not a choice I can make. I have thought... So many times now... How similar you are to Kenshin... So much that I have questioned whether we are actually from the same world... And that you and he are the same reincarnated soul... So in my mind... You are so connected to Kenshin... And he is so connected to Kiyosotto... That to choose between the two of you would be to choose between the two of them... And I can't do that... One love is not better or stronger than the other... And such a choice would make it so...
...
I told him... All of this last night... I'm not sure... How he took it... In the end... Because he left again...
[She hates the fact that she can feel her tears returning, burning behind her eyes until they slip free]
no subject
I got my memory back... I went to that place in Insincerity while you were imprisoned...
[Not... Quite the right answer...]
All this time... I could not understand why I was so drawn to Okita-san... Despite knowing the danger and the conflict and the hurt my past would cause... and yet I couldn't refuse him everytime he sought me out... And I finally stopped trying...
He is his own person, just as you are... Perhaps there is just a certain type of man I am drawn to... But once my memory was returned it became crystal clear... His personality... is nearly a carbon copy... of Kiyosotto...
Part of me wonders if my feelings are real or my mind playing tricks on me... But then I think, if I could not remember the man the entire time those feelings were developing for him, then how can they be false?
[She closes her eyes, lowering her head]
How do I feel about him? I love him.
But... I love you too... And that's the problem... He isn't threatened by sex. Not in this place... It's my feelings toward you... [She can't look at him--won't look at him. She can already imagine what she'll see there--fear or panic and the need to flee. She's seen it in him enough times when they seem too close]
I asked him... Not to make me choose. It's not a choice I can make. I have thought... So many times now... How similar you are to Kenshin... So much that I have questioned whether we are actually from the same world... And that you and he are the same reincarnated soul... So in my mind... You are so connected to Kenshin... And he is so connected to Kiyosotto... That to choose between the two of you would be to choose between the two of them... And I can't do that... One love is not better or stronger than the other... And such a choice would make it so...
...
I told him... All of this last night... I'm not sure... How he took it... In the end... Because he left again...
[She hates the fact that she can feel her tears returning, burning behind her eyes until they slip free]
So... There is your answer...